she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
