question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
