how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
