i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
