imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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