I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize