PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
