At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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