i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
