there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
