I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
