This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
