No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
