TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
