This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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