Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
