last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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