I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
