The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
