i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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