I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
