Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
