Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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