you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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