I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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