I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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