she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
