All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
