Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
