Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize