You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
