We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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