You're my little dorito
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
