i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
