need another drink. this is the easiest way
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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