This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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