Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
