I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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