We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
