Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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