The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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