my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
