Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
