Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
