my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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