you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And then he peed in my hair
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