how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the liver wants what the liver wants
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize