I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
