I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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