No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
