And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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