The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
