So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
