yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
