Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
