thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
