i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
