onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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