so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
