didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
