I like my sex mixed with concussions.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
