You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
