totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
