So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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