I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
this is an emotional support booty call
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
