You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize