i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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