I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
