fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
