Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
