So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
