weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
