I hope mine doesn't look like that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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