she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
