Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
