I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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