dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
