I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
