he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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