You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
