Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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