What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
