there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There r osticjed everywhere
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
