so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
