I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
