New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
