Soap is not a condiment
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
