I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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