i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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