Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
