Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize