ugly people sure do ruin things
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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