Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
