all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
